Saturday, August 19, 2006

Net (Profit)

It has become less of an occasion as the frequency increased. There has always been a barrier between us, but I have to admit, its getting better. When I was young, I was purely receptive, but maturity has given me the priviledge of being more proactive; no longer only receiving, but acquiring information. Now it flows both ways.

Regardless of our distance, he has always exhibited a myterious ability to understand me beyond that of my own understanding. And tonight, he taught me something new. Just like many other epiphanies and grand realisations, and much like every great joke, it came as a one-liner. He told me to live for myself. Then his bus came.

For much of my trip home, and up until now, i've been thinking of what he said, then of my own ignorance. What I came to realise today is that much of my life up to this point has been an omni-directional hunger for knowledge and theory due to my insatiable curiosity for understanding. And for much of the time, i've neglected myself, and my own emotions. I find it difficult to accept this new realisation and for hours now I've been searching for my definition.

It is ironic how i've completely missed the mark. It seems as though i've learnt nothing. In a way, he told me to stop digging deeper, and start reaching for the sky. Lofty idea, but i'll give it a try.